The Wicker Man

Yowza. Got dragged out to see the remake of 1973's The Wicker Man, starring my most beloved of craptactular actors, Nicholas Cage. It was great to escape the clutches of the office for a few hours, and for that I'm grateful... but geez. I suppose I should have expected this from the cast, which includes:

* Diane Delano, whose only role in the film was to remind me of Kathy Bates in About Schmidt and worry me for nearly 90 minutes that there'd be a similar scene here - though thankfully there's nothing so scary in this flick; and

* Molly Parker, who reminds me that some Canadians should stick to Canadian films, like the highly entertaining Men With Brooms.

If you're thinking of seeing this, I recommend renting it or seeing it in a nigh-empty theatre so you can MST3K the hell out of it as you watch it - yes, it's that bad. (Or good, depending on your point of view.)

Some quotes from rottentomatoes.com, which gave this remake a rather fitting 14% freshness rating.

"Watching Cage karate chop Leelee "Made-for-TV" Sobiesky into submission is almost worth the price of admission. Well, assuming admission was free."
"Nic meets his ex-fiancé, Willow, whose submarine-sized lips seem to be gradually folding around her head like a collagen Venus Flytrap."
"For viewers, the biggest challenge may be holding back screams of laughter as Summersisle is revealed to be the Island of Awful Acting. ... the original film ended with a sudden shock, this one climaxes with high hilarity."
"The plot is nonsensical but the cast and Edenic setting is worth a look."
"The most risible backwoods thriller since M. Night Shyamalan traveled to The Village."

I'm afraid I have to agre with that last one, and so, to quote Seth Green and the gang from Robot Chicken, "What a tweest!"